Hey Julie, who are you?

Hi, okay. I'm Julie Dear, and I like to answer this question in two parts. Personally, I'm just an imperfect human striving every day to be better. Professionally, I'm a podcaster, positive lifestyle blogger, and an author of a self-improvement book titled SNC Full of Dishes. These are the things I’ll share for now, and as we get into the episode, I’ll dive a little deeper.

How long ago did you write the book?

The book was released in May, just in time for Mother’s Day. It’s my first book, and it’s about my relationship with my inner critic, whom I named Monica.

Alright, so her link to her book is being dropped now. Everyone, check it out—brand new, only three months old. Julie, I have a pretty important question: If I wanted to improve my mental health with self-talk, what tiny piece of advice would you give me?

First, you need to identify that you do have a negative inner critic. A lot of us don’t realize we have self-talk, but we don’t always notice if it's negative or positive. Ask yourself if that voice in your head is negative or positive, and how you’re responding to it. Also, how is that voice impacting your life?

So, identify if you have a positive or negative voice. Is there a way to get rid of the negative or minimize it?

I’ll share what I used to do before therapy and life coaching. I used to actually talk to Monica, as crazy as that sounds. I’d shout at her. When she’d say discouraging things or make me self-sabotage, I’d respond with, "Lies!" If she'd creep up with, "Why are you doing that? Do you think you can do that?" I'd say, "Lies!" or, "Not today, girl." I had to stop her and present proof that I am capable because she only told me why I couldn't do something. I needed to give her realistic proof of why I could, and then I’d move forward.

I love it! Where on your journey did this advice come from?

In the beginning, I’d just scream at myself because she was so loud. I had to meet her energy with that same intensity and say, "No, I’m not doing this anymore." Once I saw a therapist and coach, I started understanding what this was. It’s about redirecting that voice in a more positive direction. It's always there, but the key is how much power you give it.

When did you name Monica?

I was around 37 or 38, so recently. I’m 39 now. I’ve been shouting at myself for a couple of years. Before that, she was in the driver’s seat, controlling my life.

When did you realize she was in the driver’s seat, and when did you start to kick her out?

When I became a mom. That’s when I realized I had a lot of unresolved issues. I knew that if I didn’t heal, my kids, who were watching and learning from me, would become just like me, and that was my worst fear. The journey started about six years ago when my oldest was born. It’s been an ongoing process, like every time I reach a milestone, something new comes up that I need to address and heal from.

Kudos to you! It’s amazing how motherhood helped you recognize and fix things you’d been carrying your whole life.

Thank you!

Next up, we have Deyna. Coach Deyna, tell us who you are.

Hi, thanks for having me! I’m Coach Deyna Phillips, and I run Sage and Harmony Holistic Coaching. I’m an emotional wellness coach specializing in anxiety, anger management, and domestic violence coaching.

Deyna, if I wanted to improve my mental health with self-talk, what tiny piece of advice would you give me?

One of the most powerful things we can learn is affirmations. People often struggle with affirmations because, as Julie mentioned, there’s no proof of life. For example, if I say, "I’m a millionaire," but my bank account says otherwise, I don’t feel like a millionaire. What you can connect with is a real-life moment when you felt abundant or powerful. When you tie your affirmation to an actual experience, it becomes more believable. The unconscious mind needs proof to accept it as true.

Deyna, where on your journey did you learn this advice?

Through experiences, failures, successes, therapy, and lots of research. I struggled with affirmations myself, and with help from a therapist and studying emotional intelligence, it all clicked for me.

Thank you, Deyna. Very insightful!

Finally, we have Rose. Rose, tell me who you are.

Thanks for having me! I’m Rose Higgins, a conscious mama and entrepreneur coach. Currently, I’m on a 100-day challenge to interview and hear 100 purpose stories from inspiring leaders. It’s been an amazing experience, filled with meaningful connections.

Rose, if I wanted to improve my mental health with self-talk, what tiny piece of advice would you give me?

My favorite tip is a quote from Lisa Nichols: "I have nothing to prove, nothing to protect, nothing to defend, and nothing to hide." When we let go of those ego-driven concerns, we open ourselves to unlimited possibilities.

Where did you learn this mantra?

I learned it in a course with Lisa Nichols and applied it to my life. For example, instead of trying to impress others at my daughter’s birthday party, I focused on her experience. It was the most peaceful and rewarding party I’ve ever hosted.
Great discussion, everyone! Now it’s time for our daily challenge: something that takes less than five minutes, costs zero dollars, and helps improve mental health with self-talk.